The Police force in Britain is to undergo a major overhaul after Metropolitan Police Commissioner, Bernard Hogan-Howe, signed off on a radical proposal earlier last week, which is due to come into effect in the early part of 2013.

Aimed at saving money and ‘modernising the brand,’ the Police will sign into a 5 year sponsorship deal with Freeview television channel, UK Living and will be re-named ‘Copz.’ UK Living will have exclusive rights to film the new-look force and will have a large say in the future direction of the institution and of any policy decisions that need to be made. In this regard, rumours have been circulating that there will be a realignment of the key areas of focus and responsibility, with more funding going into traffic patrols and high-octane car chases and less emphasis on the lengthy and more methodical murder and serious crime investigations. Certain departments, will be dissolved and the Officers and Detectives will be amalgamated in the Traffic division, increasing their man power and boosting the number of television shows that they’ll be able to air. The money saved on lengthy serious crime, fraud and robbery investigations will be re-invested into ‘pimping-out’ the vehicles for the traffic patrol officers to use.

Some groups have questioned the changes, with some going so far as to outwardly criticise the proposals, but the Commissioner has dismissed such concerns, claiming that airing their daily activities will better connect the authorities with a disconnected youth. Plus, he later added, if they can make the shows entertaining enough then the jobless scum bags that are responsible for most of the crime in this country will be too busy watching telly to be going out stealing bikes and robbing old women. Hard to argue with him to be fair.